When Things Don’t Go Your Way: A Lesson in Influence and Emotional Intelligence
At the 2023 Cincinnati Open, tennis star Carlos Alcaraz made headlines—not for a stunning rally or match-winning shot, but for losing his temper mid-match. It was a rare display from a usually composed athlete. But in that moment, Alcaraz was visibly frustrated—expecting the game to go his way, and angry that it wasn’t.
Sound familiar?
In the world of internal audit, especially as you grow more seasoned, there’s a subtle shift that can creep in: the expectation that things should go smoothly because you've done the work, you know your stuff, and frankly, you deserve for things to fall in line.
But when they don’t? When your recommendations are challenged, when your requests are sidelined, or when a stakeholder pushes back? That flash of frustration—that internal temper flare-up—is not unlike a child throwing a tantrum when things don’t go their way. And yes, that might sound harsh—but the comparison is more insightful than insulting.
Think of a parent dealing with a tantrum. The child is upset because they see the world through their lens: I want this, I don’t understand why I can’t have it, You’re supposed to say yes. As the adult, you expect obedience, but the child has their own thoughts, logic, and feelings. When they resist, you feel disrespected or ignored. The emotional reaction comes not just from the situation, but from the unmet expectation that you should be listened to.
The same thing happens in audit. You expect your insights to carry weight. You expect your process to be respected. When they aren’t, it’s tempting to see resistance as a sign of failure—or worse, disrespect.
But the real lesson, like with the tantruming child, is to pause and ask: What caused the breakdown?
That’s the first step toward building influence.
Influence isn’t about being right. It’s about bringing others along. It’s about understanding your stakeholders’ goals, pressures, and perspectives, and figuring out how your message fits into their world—not just yours.
When Carlos lost his temper, he wasn’t just mad about a single point. He was frustrated that his strategy wasn't working. The same goes for us—when the audit isn’t landing, when conversations get tense, it’s not a signal to get louder. It’s a signal to get smarter about how you’re approaching the situation.
Ask yourself:
What are their concerns or priorities?
How does my audit support (or challenge) that?
What relationships have I built to create trust?
How am I making it easier—not harder—for them to hear me?
In auditing, as in tennis, the game rarely bends to your will just because you want it to. You win by anticipating, adjusting, and influencing the play.
So next time you feel that surge of frustration, take it as a cue—not to push harder, but to influence better.
